My Journey...Part 1

Journey that leads to self-discovery, self-worth and freedom. So has the journey for me been thus far in this life that's but a vapor. Born to two wonderful God-fearing people and an answer to the prayers of a 9 year old sister, and 6 year old brother, I entered the world on the 16th of August in 1989. Free-spirited and feisty, stubborn & strong willed yet full of passion for both people and life; these are just a few pieces of who I am. My mom prayed often, when spanking me countless times a day, that I be saved young. She had her prayers answered when I was seven as I gave myself to the Lord & was baptized. Here the journey began. . . my younger years consisted of being home schooled, piano lessons and having strangers stay in our house. Little did I know then that those moments, days & years spent surrounded by others would mold me into who I am today. My parents life and faith paving a way for my life & faith as well. Ministry & music were what I lived and breathed. Seeing others liberated by Jesus & music are what stroke the chord in my heart. Soon these two things consumed me and caused me to lose sight of my true identity in Christ. I felt a disconnect from the Lord and entered into a season of deception and compromise, my dark night of the soul. For 3 years I shoved the pain inside, picked myself up by bootstraps and put on a happy face. All my hopes and dreams quickly dissipating before my eyes. My heart and soul longed for breakthrough, change. I tried on my own strength and failed miserably every time...until I heard a voice of reasoning call to me in my brokenness and beckon me to lay down everything I knew and was so comfortable with. I KNEW right then and there it was the Lord calling me out of my darkness into the newness of life that He had in store for me. In this life new passions and desires being placed deep inside. The fear of man crumbling before my eyes, I soon found confidence rising up as He poured his love into me while in the secret place, through a season of 6 months in an internship, in a tiny prayer room, in a foreign state of which I knew no one. Just me and Him alone, in complete stillness. . . (More to come)

Fresh Start

A couple weeks ago I received word from the Dr. that my blood sugar was elevated and could be cause for diabetes sometime later in life so on Dec. 12th we are going to soon discuss treatment options with me in regards to PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) like symptoms. I decided that with such news, coupled with prayer, I was going to do my part and embark on something what I've desired for some time to do; work on eating healthy and exercising regularly to help reverse these things from stealing my joy in life now and later on. Diabetes runs in my family, along with obesity, so I feel extra persistent/dedicated in developing these good habits. I've always been one of those people that get really amped up about it do it for a few days and then fall off the band wagon and get really upset with myself for not following through. Today I decided enough was enough. . . this is no longer going to be something I talk about but I actually DO. So I can confidently say, workout #1=success! I feel sooo much better already (emotionally) and have energy (physically) and motivation to get everything else done. I'm keeping track of what I do, how long I do it, and also keeping track of my caloric intake and monitoring my weight. I have a goal and I want to achieve it by my 23rd birthday next year. I'm sharing all this for two reasons: 1) I want to always keep in front of me words on a page to encourage myself and others that might be sharing in this type of journey 2) I want those reading to encourage me in this journey so that I finish strong and achieve that which I've set out for; use this as a source of accountability!

As of last month my weight at the Dr. was 167. My goal is to get down to around 135-140 for a normal BMI based off of my age & height. Size doesn't matter so much to me as long as I'm healthy. I plan on getting a scale this week so that I can more closely monitor my progress and see the affects of my efforts.

Alongside getting things underway where my physical health is concerned, lately, I've been working on my spiritual life and making the Lord 1st priority daily. Being on a night schedule where on any average day I wake up between 1:00pm-1:30pm, work 3:00-10:30pm and then am in the prayer room from 12:00am-6:00am 4-5 days a week, I am finding the hours in my day quickly dissipating. And though I get to spend 6 hours in a prayer room 6 days a week, I am longing for greater intimacy with Jesus. Not only do I want to walk in the fullness of that which He has for me in all areas of life, I want to see the fruits of the Spirit coming into fruition as I draw nearer to Him and He to me. I want others to be driven to a holy jealousy because of the communion He and I share. I want to honor Him in my life; Spirit, Soul and Body being subjected to His leadership. All too often I am finding when my everyday life is lacking organization and is weak, my spiritual life is affected as well. By bringing order into both areas, I am believing for huge breakthrough in all areas. I know His grace is sufficient and His strength is perfected in my weakness. I'm committing my ways, thoughts, ideas, ambitions, desires to Him because I know He promised when I do so they will succeed. (Psalm 37:5)

Now that I've accomplished the task of writing this I am now going to begin some reading and enjoy the last few hours of my Sabbath.  Abundant blessings be yours!!
~Hannah~

Writing Down Memory Lane

I am going to begin compiling some of my favorite personal writings I've written through the years starting with one of my most recent. My hope is that I spark a new found courage and hope in the lives of those who read that can identity in this journey called "LIFE". Also, that I myself am reminded of the personal journey I've traveled, where I'm going, and of the blessed One who makes it all worthwhile. Blessings! -Hannah G.

September 3, 2011 (1:00 am) "Spoken Word"
You've never given up on me
You just keep chasing after me
And when you catch me, You tell me You love me over and over again
You'll never stop... no. 
You'll never quit chasing my soul, making me whole, from the inside out
You see my filth within; the fear, hate, confusion & sin 
And yet instead of turning Your back on me 
You open up Your heart and extend Your hand
You see the whole picture
You peer through the window of my soul
The longing deep inside moves Your heart to respond.
You want nothing more than to pull me from my ashes
To see me seated with princes
For me to dance upon my chains of entanglement; all the injustice, all of the pain
Moving past the former realities
Onto tomorrow's bettered remedies...
Where peace and safety are found.
Where the cage within is unlocked 
And out flows rivers of water that sustain my heart and soul
Giving a glimpse of a new and improved me.
All things are made new...
All things are restored
So that I can taste and see You truly ARE good. 
That You died to set me free. 
Free from the Enemy both within and without. 
My eyes are opened 
The truth has been revealed. 
I claim it for my own today, I turn it all around.
I choose to say "Yes" to You. 
I choose to go low.
Come and fill this empty heart, Lord
Come and make me whole. 
No more fragments, no more mistakes. 
I want to be known as Yours for all of my days. 
Come and blow upon my garden.
 Let me bear much fruit. 
Apart from You I can do nothing. 
Apart from You I'll wither and fade into the sands of time, into the shade. 
Shine Your light within, breathe life into my skin 
And let this journey I'm on lead me closer to You.

Excellencies of Christ Paper

                                        Revelation of the God-Man- Hannah Collins

Where does one even begin on the subject of Jesus being fully God and fully man? For even the most elaborate of bindings cannot bring complete knowledge of this infinite Being to the forefront of one’s finite mind. However, what foundational truths are known can be found in the Bible, the Word of God; where He, the Author, brings to life the mystery of His very person and through revelation of His son Jesus. “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through Him and apart from Him nothing came into being that has come into being. In Him was life, and the life was the Light of men. The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it.” (John 1:1-5) Later in the book of John, Jesus testifies of Himself being this Light, “Then Jesus again spoke to them, saying, 'I am the Light of the World; he who follows Me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life.’” (John 8:12) Great is the revelation to be found in the Word but it should be noted that unless there is revelation through relationship with the Word the vastness of this God-man will never fully be comprehended. “For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known.” (1 Corinthians 13:12)

From the beginning of time He was, to infinity He’ll be; living outside of time yet calling it forth with just one word of His mouth. The greatest Architect of all, He formed the world from nothing and made it His greatest masterpiece. Apart from Him, all was empty and void, the echo of humanity yet to be heard. He longed for partnership and by just one breathe and a little dirt He created life so that such partnership could take root in the soil of a Garden. His divine strategy from the beginning was all on behalf of love and for communion with man who would ultimately bear His image. As the story of humanity unfolds one can see the common thread of love regarding this Person when through the Holy Spirit He brought forth His son of love, a baby, through a young Jewish mother from Galilee. “Therefore the Lord Himself will give you a sign: Behold, a virgin will be with child and bear a son, and she will call His name Immanuel-(‘God with us’). He will eat curds and honey at the time He knows enough to refuse evil and choose good.” (Isaiah 7:14-15) What humility! In that God would lower Himself to such a means, even in His omnipotence, so that we could learn what true agape love looks like.  In Luke 2:52 it says this baby, “...Kept increasing in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men,” and was given the name of Jesus, which in Hebrew means “the Lord is salvation.” This Jesus took on flesh so that we might know His Father’s love, love Him in return, and so that we might abide with Him forever in eternity. This redemptive plan of salvation took place through the God-man being sacrificed on a cross. This act is the pinnacle of the life of the God-man and will forever mark the lives of those who believe by faith that He is who He says He is. 

To even begin pondering this God-man having come and walked among us as Himself a man with flesh and blood is truly mind-blowing! Even more so astounding is the fact that he ate, drank, worked and grew faint and weary just like the rest of us. “For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin.” (Hebrews 4:15) For even in His human frailty He possessed the very nature of One who is sinless, pure, and undefiled. He who to all of humankind is a chief role-model concerning the divine nature, that which possesses no flaws or blemish is to be greatly admired. Knowing that through Him is access to the Father brings great fortitude to those who are broken, weary, and discouraged, for in the Father is the promise of “yolk being easy and burdens being light.” (Matthew 11:30) However and 

unfortunately, to most who just give ear to the story of Jesus, the God-man becomes just a cute fairy-tale or fable, but to those that hear, see, and encounter Him through Scripture and by way of revelation, will in turn testify of Him being a reality and not a farce or myth.

So how CAN we know for sure God is who He says He is and that His Son truly is Jesus and One with Him? Prophesies of old through Isaiah, Jeremiah and John the Baptist bear witness of the God-man but the earliest recorded prophesy was from Genesis 3:15 which says, “And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your seed and her seed; He shall bruise you on the head, and you shall bruise him on the heel.” This was fulfilled by Jesus’ death and resurrection. Also Hebrews 1:1-4 says, “God, after He spoke long ago to the father in the prophets in many portions and in many ways, in these last days has spoken to us in His Son, whom He appointed heir of all things, through whom also He made the world. And He is the radiance of His glory and the exact representation of His nature, and upholds all things by the word of His power. When He had made purification of sins, He sat down at the right hand of the Mystery on high, having become as much better than the angels, as He has inherited a more excellent name than they.” Lastly, Jesus specifically gives witness to His Oneness with the God the Father in John 14:7-11 when He said, “If you had known Me, you would have known My Father also; from now on you know Him, and have seen Him.” Understanding that Jesus is both fully God and fully man is pertinent because to separate the two negates the entire truth of the Word of God and would be blasphemy.  For even in the natural, looking at someone and saying they’re not who they say they are is foolish and demoralizing. Even more so to look at the Words of One who is omniscient and say He is a liar! 

As my personal journey with this God-man continues, my heart is increasingly convinced of His validity. Through reading of His Word, I’m moved by the life He lived and the precedence He set for the life I now live. Knowing that He has seen everything from the beginning to end and that the Father gets His heart’s desire by His Son getting a bride, me, is exhilarating. I’m beginning to see the plans and purposes of the Father’s heart being established through my partnership, communion, and relationship with His Son, Jesus. Just like the beginning of the story, I’m discovering Him breathing life into my lungs and fulfilling His desire to walk in the Garden with me both now and for eternity. Knowing that from the beginning of time, before there ever was, I was thought upon and brought forth as part of this divine unfolding fills my heart with awe. What love the Father has lavished on me that I should be called a daughter of the Most High!  (1 John 3:1) Finally knowing that in Isaiah 55:11 He said, “So will My word be which goes forth from My mouth; it will not return to Me empty, without accomplishing what I desire, and without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it,” and Numbers 23:19, “God is not a man, that He should lie, nor a son of man, that He should repent; Has He said, and will He not do it? Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good,” reaffirms my heart in following this God-man. As I look to Him, my only hope is that I endure to the end like Him. The more I gaze upon His beauty and radiance, that I become more like Him and am transformed from glory to glory.

"The Joy of Life Is Found In The Pursuit of Love..."

The last 7 months I've been on a journey. . .  a journey of discovering what LIFE is all about. Needless to say before I plunged into this new chapter of my life I thought that I knew full well what I was doing with my life. I thought I was fully content with where I was but it was soon after that I began to realize otherwise. . .

My life was turned upside down and right side up as I began to experience the incomprehensible LOVE of the man Christ Jesus. Little did I know that this man whom I had given my life to at age 7 would soon become the One who would steal my affections, reissue the desires of my heart, and give my life purpose yet again. Though this process has been one of dying to self and taking the low-road of humility, my heart is being made alive. I can't help but follow His beckoning call on my life, no matter the cost, no matter what man may say of me.

Daily the reality of what true love looks like is being revealed to my heart. I'm faced with the paradox that" to live is Christ and to die is gain." I'm learning that my flesh will never desire the things of God but the more I sow to my spirit the more joy of communing with Him becomes. I'm learning that all He asks of me is to share the sufferings of His heart. I'm learning that my weak "yes" wins His heart every time; that I no longer have to strive for perfection and that all He is asking for is for me to come as I am. I'm learning that He delights in giving me the desires of my heart and the more I'm hidden in Him the more delight I feel. I'm learning that He knows what I need even before I ask and He is true to His promises in giving me "above and beyond what I could ever ask for or imagine." And this is just to name a few. . .

I am so incredibly grateful for His intervention in my life. He saw the desperation in my heart, my cry for more, and was faithful to answer me. As Paul said so well "I press on toward the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." I will close with these lyrics by Sarah Edwards, which mirror my heart posture before the Lord in this season of my life. . .

"Obey"

Your burden it is easy and Your yoke it is light.
You are meek and lowly, You are gentle, You are kind.
Every one of your commands they lead my heart to life.
When I obey I find life.

So teach me all Your ways O God,
Please show me Your paths.
Come unite my heart to fear Your name.
Let there be no sin in me
That would keep me from this prize.
Because I love I will obey

It's my joy to love,
It's my joy to obey.
You can have all my heart,
You can have all my praise.
I will give you my life.
I will run hard this race,
Reaching for the prize.
I am Yours-
You are mine.

I will run in the path of Your commands
You will surely enlarge my heart.
I will make Your law daily my delight.
Let me not wander from Your ways
Let it be my delight to obey,
There is no greater joy than knowing Your name

Address

For those of you who are interested in writing me while I'm gone at IHOP:

Hannah Collins
c/o Fire In The Night
3517 E Red Bridge Road
Kansas City, MO
                       64137

Drum Roll Please. . .

Only 4 more days and I will be on my way to beginning a new venture into a life of intense study, discipline, and rendering of heart to the Lord. The journey up until this moment has been truly an amazing experience already. I have been blown away at the generosity of my brothers and sisters in Christ, as well as others I am only acquaintances of. I have seen the Lord's faithfulness every step of the way from the first day of raising my finances and it has only confirmed in my heart His word of "GO" spoken to me back in the spring of 2010. 

For those of you who have asked where I'm at financially, I am SO close to my goal.  . . Here until January I will continue raising the $1300 that is needed to pay off my second 3 month track which will begin the 1st or 2nd week of January. I ask that you continue to pray and see how the Lord would allow you to give! 

My current desire is to hear from you as to how I can be praying specifically for the needs in your lives and those dear to you. Having the opportunity to spend 30+ hours a week in the prayer room while in my internship, while aligning myself with Father's heart, is truly a privilege in my eyes (not discounting my desire to walk in such a way even today). I so want to partner with you in believing for what's on your heart (and His!). This is the least I can do to thank you for your support in this journey of my life!!

Thank you again for those of you who have supported me this far already either financially or by praying! Truly, I am blessed beyond words as well as thrilled to be able to share with you every step of the way! I know that only good, God things are to come! Stay tuned for the next blog which will begin the start of my journey at IHOP. Blessings in Christ, Hannah